Change is good, and so is God!

It's been a while since I've written/blogged/posted....eh whatever. Haha.

So God's been up to a lot lately. He's been really hard at work...and I could have missed it had I not paid attention. Wow. First off, I have a JOB! PRAISE GOD! Wow. That in itself is so amazing and so incredibly comforting. A burden has lifted. He provided me with a full time job that will provide me with a steady[and fairly decent] income, benefits, and lots of experience with precious children! Wow. Okay, I've said that a lot. But I'm just in awe of how He worked it out! I now know how well God uses people in our lives. He did that last week. So rewind to last Tuesday. Okay...well back it up to the Sunday before...the 20th. I'd been having a hard past couple of weeks with the loss of my great grandmother. So I'd slacked off from my job hunt. I really had not gone anywhere to look since my interview back in August. I see now why things do not work out for my plan. It's because I would not be ready until last week to fully and openly receive a job offer. Only because I couldn't have dealt with the loss I experienced while newly beginning a job. Because starting a new job is going to be stressful in itself. Just because I need to learn how everything works and learn all the kiddies' names and so on and so forth. So He knew that I'd be more ready to jump back into it with [somewhat] full force. So I had decided after being asked by several people about my job situation that Sunday, that the upcoming week I was going to pursue some job openings at some local daycares/preschools. Well I had yet to do anything by last Tuesday...the 22nd. So I'd been out shopping with my mom for birthday stuff. Yes, the joys of being older and being able to pick out all your gifts and taking away the surprise. Well, I like having clothes that fit and are my style. So I had to help mom out with ideas...because I hadn't really given her any. So last Tuesday we went to the mall to first off see Mandisa and Josh Wilson who were giving a concert there during the lunch hour. It was so awesome. Being at the mall, a very secular place, and having children of God worshipping Him in public. How cool is that. I got emotional when I was singing along, so not much came out. I was just in awe of how many people were there and at the people who were worshipping in a public place. This takes boldness to a whole new level for me. Wow. So after we watched the concert we go shopping. After shopping for a bit, we head back toward home to the library so I can pick up some books I had on hold. While driving, my phone began to ring in the backseat. I missed it before it stopped ringing, so it went to voicemail. Once I finally reached my phone, I looked at a number that I did not recognize. I always getting slightly excited about getting called by unknown numbers...because you never know who it is...and it could turn out to be something exciting. Little did I know it was my friend, Ashley. She was leaving me a voicemail as I picked up my books at the library. Then I proceeded to listen to the voicemail after I got my books and was heading home. The voicemail went kind of like this..."Hey Jilene, this is Ashley...and I was calling to tell you I was talking to my director today about you and she would like you to come in. I told her you might go work at some other places, and she said to tell you no...that she wanted you! So basically I found you a job! Call me back soon...." Okay, so this is not word for word, but close enough. Man, try to imagine how excited I was to hear "I found you a job!" Yeah, I was pretty freaking excited! So to make a long story short, I called Ashley back, decided to meet her at 2:45 to go talk to her director, and then the rest is history. I went in, interviewed, and was hired on the spot! Talk about God being at work. How quickly that happened! I was not expecting that at all. I had half expected that my week would consist of me going to take my resume to some different places and maybe setting up an interview. I was definitely taken by surprise. But it was so amazing. And so perfect! God had His hand in it for sure. I'm so thankful. So now I have a few days to enjoy what's left of my freedom and get my "ducks in a row" before I start my new job this coming Monday, October 5th. I'm going to be a permanent substitute, so I'm pretty much going wherever I'm needed. I'm totally cool with that. I'm also excited about having a friend who works there! I think it'll help my transition to the "working world". So praise God for His provision of a job that comes with a lot of great things. I know my Meemau would be proud of me. That was sort of my aim...to go and find something...kind of in her honor. There it was, New Horizons Daycare....how appropriate. I'm at a new horizon in my own life. The sun is beginning to rise on a new day in my life. A new chapter. A new adventure. Change is definitely good. I'm beginning to get more use to it. Change happens so rapidly and unexpectedly. How appropriate with the change of season on the very day I got a job! It's time for a new season in so many different areas of my life. It's time to let Him use me!

PS. I auditioned for the worship team for the new Engage service that we are starting at Center Grove. I'm praying that God will use me in whatever way He decides too. I'm also very excited about the potential opportunity that I will have through this audition. We will see what happens, but I definitely know God is working and He has a great plan.


GOD IS GOOD, ALL THE TIME!

--it's tough being a woman--

I am so blessed to have the opportunity to go to a Beth Moore Bible study on Monday nights. It helps me fill the void of my old Monday night routine of Monday Night Bible Study. We are studying the book of Esther and discussing how it is tough to be a woman and God's plan and purpose for our lives. Sometimes we forget that God has a plan for us. Sometimes we forget that He is there. Sometimes God takes a behind the scenes part in our lives, but He never leaves us. We just may not feel His presence. I am so excited about learning about Esther and how God used a woman like her to change a nation. What a powerful message of hope and inspiration.

I have especially felt the trials of being a "woman". The only way I feel like I am a woman is the fact that I so unwillingly receive a gift every month. Preceding that gift I became an evil version of myself. I try to mask it, but it still seems to rear its ugly head at those I love. I can get so angry at the smallest things. It makes me want to punch things and break things. I do have somewhat of a temper, I mean I am a redhead and you know what they say about redheads right? If you don't know, look it up. Haha.

Another area that I so try to avoid is the stereotypical "emotional" and "super-sensitive" part of being a woman. I hate crying and especially in front of people. But over the past week I have had my fair share of tears. My eyes have poured buckets on several occasions over the past week, but to particular circumstances which normally are met by tears. I haven't cried that much in a really long time, but I just couldn't prevent them from falling last Wednesday at my Meemau's funeral. We had the viewing and visitation beforehand. I was fine until I went up to my great aunt Kay and hugged her and she asked me how I was doing. I lost it. Then I got better for a few seconds until I went over to see my Meemau's body. I always hate looking at the lifeless bodies of loved ones. They never look like they are suppose to. But my aunt Kay was there to comfort me and talk to me and make me laugh. She told me they had put a wig on my Meemau, but she took it off the night before...because my Meemau would NOT have wanted that at all. She would have said take that d*** thing off me! I was also comforted in her words that my Meemau loved "her baby". I wasn't the baby of the family, but we did have a very special bond. I know she loved me and I loved her dearly as well. The service itself was also another very difficult time. We sung three different songs...all of which I struggled through. I maybe sung about 20 words altogether, but hearing my dad sing out clear and glancing over at my weeping aunts and cousins along with feeling my own grief...the tears just poured out of my eyes. It especially made my heart hurt and my eyes flood again when my great aunt Betty just started shaking and crying hard at the end of the service when they commended my Meemau into God's hands then following that up with "How Great Thou Art" as they rolled her casket down the aisle out of the sanctuary. That song has been sung at the last four funerals I have gone too. Three of them have been my dad singing the song, but this time it was the choir and congregation. It is such a powerful song, but now has very different connotations for me. Most times when I sing the song, my eyes well with tears. The burial was not hard for me. It was very short and sweet and a poem was read...I really can't remember what it said but then her body was committed to the ground and "ashes to ashes and dust to dust"--returning her body to the ground that man was originally formed from--was said. Then we watched as her casket was lowered into her grave. I can't really describe the feeling. It was just surreal, I guess. There was a slight breeze which was almost kind of like imagery of her spirit flowing through each person that was there and touching them. I know that's not how it is, but it felt sort of like that in a way. I don't want that day to be the last day I think about and remember my Meemau. I will always remember her. There are going to be some very hard times. Thanksgivings, Christmases, birthdays, Easter, and maybe a random day when there is something that someone will say or do that reminds me of her. I just can only hope now that she is in heaven. She is the one that planned her service and chose what songs would be sung and the scriptures that would be read. "Beautiful Savior", "Amazing Grace", and "How Great Thou Art" were sung. Psalm 23 was sung in a song by the Requiem Choir and scriptures from Romans, John, and The Lord's Prayer was also sung. Each of those talks about God's saving grace and the truth of the Gospel. I have some hope in that that she did have that relationship and that was her parting gift to her family. The peace that is left behind in knowing that she is waiting in heaven until the day that we are called home.


How I digress, but I had not shared about the funeral yet. I don't know if I conveyed all of my feelings about it. But it was a very hard day for me. One of the hardest. I was comforted to see a lot of my family there and I can only pray for a lot of the brokenness that is in some of my family members. I hope that this will only bring them together and not drive them apart.



So whew....life's tough. And it's tough being a woman. Women are the comforters...mostly. And sometimes it's hard to grieve while also trying to comfort and hold your family together during a hard time. I'm not trying to stereotype, but my mom typically has always been the comforter in my family. I feel like it's just a motherly thing. But that's just me. What do you think?


Anyways, lots of good things coming. I will talk about those later. I'm going to Campbell this coming weekend, so I'm sure I'll have lots to say about my trip after I get back. I can only imagine how much different it'll feel. Being that I'm not a student anymore. Wow. This year has gone by fast. My 22nd year has gone by fast as well. I'll be 23 in two days. Yikes. That's seven years away from being 30....for those of you not good at math. :)