-->my 22nd birthday celebration!
ben, brad, me, morgan, kim
miranda, kristin, virginia, matt, darrena
well let me just start by saying, 2009 has been an incredible year so far. one that has had its share of incredible highs as well as those inevitable lows that come with being an imperfect creature. yes, i am not perfect! surprise! ha, didn't you already know that already?
ok all joking aside now.
--Ben's 21st birthday partayyy! ;)
2009 has brought me a lot of opportunities to experience new things. some of which i never thought i would ever do before. then there were those things that i knew were coming, and had been looking forward to for months, no years. my graduation from college being the one thing that i knew was going to come whether i was
"ready or not...because here i come"
ok, so the beginning of my senior year i had the great expectation of graduation. i was actually looking forward to it. because in my opinion at the time i was ready to get out of the in my eyes and please excuse me but hell hole of buies creek. i was sick of the small town, there is nothing to do here, and tired of a lot of things that i had been dealing with and drama and crap and just all the stuff that i just brought upon myself because of my imperfect, broken, fragile human condition. i was also ready to move on to the "next stage" of my life. whatever that might have been. my dream since i was a little girl had always been to graduate college then follow that up pretty soon after with a wedding to the man of my dreams. la de da here comes the bride all dressed in....? hmmmm. do you see something wrong with this picture? ok, i sure do. well i am no where near that dream, so it's on to another one. second of all, who came up with that plan? answer: ME---remember that imperfect person i keep referring to? yes, me. me. me. me. it's all about me. it's always been about me. yes, well i've since flushed that dream down the toilet. i am sad though in a way. the "fairy tale" life that i thought i would have, has yet to come to a happily ever after. but this is one thing i must deal with. my plans are not HIS plans. and i have also yet to meet any guy who i would deem as marriage material. or atleast one who would be right, compatible, absolutely perfect in every way, who has the dreamiest eyes and can sing his precious little heart out and....oops. ok. back to reality. i ramble. and get very distracted.
--casey, alicia, me, and trey at the homecoming game
so here i am. yes, this is very jumbled. i am sorry. but this is how i think at times. i'm a college graduate. i have the intention to look for a job that has decent pay and benefits and one that will hire me with the very little experience that i do have. i have what some would call impressive transcript but the BS of my degree could amount to a whole lot of bs. not that i do not think that all of the hard work i put in during my time at campbell means anything, but let's just face it. when i decided to switch from the very prestigious trust management program to the ohsohumble child development program, i did not
do my research. yet, i do know this. there are very perfect reasons for me not doing that blessed research. i just would not realize it until a lot later in my college career. God had other plans for me at campbell. some of those i see why i was meant to stay, and i'm sure others will be revealed in time. i did make some good contacts with certain professors, but mostly with those i worked with at cooperative extension. i am very grateful for that experience. i also had a great time getting to spend time with a very special friend, alicia. my partner in crime. she had to help keep me sane during those very irritating times at internship where we were made to feel like dirt. and also while in class, kept class lively and made it never a dull moment. laughter was always the best medicine. i'm so glad i had a friend like that to help me through. haha. :)
["I love bein' around you. You make it easy, it's easy as 1,2- 1,2,3,4 There's only 1 thing 2 do 3 words 4 you- (I love you)"]
so now i sit here. it's a friday night. i live at home with my family[mom, dad, brother, 3 dogs]. i'm very blessed to have parents who are not going to kick me out. the job market is pretty tough right now. so i have to make a lot of decisions in the near future about where exactly i want to work and also this whole graduate school thing. man, i had wanted to be done with school forever. i just can't get away. :)
so that is where i am right now. wondering about the future. i wonder what it is going to bring. this new chapter is still fresh, but somewhat uninteresting, scary, and beautiful all at the same time. anything could happen! i just need to focus on the things i need to focus on. and not focus on the sadness that i am feeling for having left something so precious behind. because 2009 brought something wonderful to me. the feeling of happiness and appreciation for my time at campbell. that once opinion of the hell hole turned into a deep appreciation for the little one stop light town that basically consists of a whole lot of something in the what i use to think was a whole lot of nothing. the people and new experiences in 2009 gave me a new taste in my mouth. life was fresh, new, and exciting. still hard though, and i was brought to a lot of new realizations. but i enjoyed every second of the few months i had in 2009 at campbell. may 9th was a sad day. i did not want to leave all the precious people and memories i had made. i did not want to move on and group up. i did not want to face the unknown. that has been my struggle since being home. it's put me in a funky mood. i'm ready to get out of this funky mood and start living my life and enjoying the newness of this chapter of life. i can still think about all the oh so wonderful things and people and memories. but it's time to move on and grow up. even if i'm not ready. time never stops. it's like how when i look back at my life before college. there were a lot of things going on in my life my senior year of high school. and how sometimes i can still look back with a feeling of sadness for what i thought i lost or missed out on. i still think about some things that had meant so much to me...and now those things are gone. just like this last semester at campbell. it's gone. done.
so, what do i do now?
--me, virginia, miranda and diane at napper tandy's for va's 22nd birthday
well, it's time for me to find out.
so as i try to hold on as time keeps flying by, i will keep you updated.
i'm just thankful for everything that i have learned.
i'm grateful for the friends i made while i was at campbell.
i'm so happy for the sweet memories i have.
i will always treasure the time i did have.
i will never forget.
i will move on.
and.
grow.
up.
-peace and love
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