the waiting...

So yesterday I had an interview at The Childcare Network. It went really well and the director told me she was going to call me today at lunchtime. Well lunchtime came and went today without a call. Every time my phone rang today, I hoped it would be her. So I'm left waiting until tomorrow to see if she calls. I have a very hard time being patient when people tell me they are going to do something and then end up not going through with it. It makes it hard for me to feel patient and very easy for me to be anxious and become easily irritated with the little things. I have a very hard time with some things. When I get stressed out...I have a very hard time dealing with smaller issues. Those small things become major things that really make me angry. I get in this state where I'm so upset that I'm on the verge of tears. I won't let myself cry most of the time because I don't have time for it. But there are several pretty big issues going on right now that have put me in major stress mode. I wish I had a better outlet for it or my own "safe place". I need to really work on these things. It's not good for me to bottle up the emotions. If I continue to do this, then I might just "explode" one day. I don't know what form that would be in. Now I'm not trying to scare anyone. I'm just saying I need like a punching bag or a big field to just scream in. [lol here...you must be thinking..Jilene is crazy!] haha. No, I'm not, but maybe I am? So.....I'm just working on having patience. Learning how to trust. It's not easy for me. I like to have things in my time table and in my control. I just wish I had more clarity on some issues and I wish I had power to resolve others. It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel...not knowing when the "good times" are going to come. I'm also having a hard time letting some things go. I've had some major flashbacks in the past couple of weeks that have really hit me hard, and I don't know why. Why is it that something I had resolved in my heart four years ago is coming back to haunt me. Literally it has haunted my dreams. Or dare I say, he? Hmmmm. That's just something else I need to work on. Will it ever end? Will I ever stop having things in my life to work on? Probably not. Sheesh. It just continues to illustrate how completely messed up and screwed up that humans are. We are just full of problems. The fleshly side of us really tries to mess up our spirits. We chose to continue in our past behaviors and sins and the fleshly side gets stronger and begins to take us over. It's a constant battle. Sometimes I wish Jesus would come back now. That would make my life SO much easier. Haha. Although I still would like to get married before that happens. We shall see, shall we?



So waiting...

and waiting....


and waiting...

and waiting...

and waiting...

and waiting.