Wednesday, November 18, 2009

i can't quite seem to keep up with this...

So I don't even remember the last time I blogged.

It's been a few weeks for sure. I think. I didn't look at it to see. My life has been consumed by working 40 hours a week, singing in the choir, Bible study, teaching the 2 year olds on Sunday mornings, and I'll be starting to sing at the Engage service starting this week. So that leads me to about having no life. Or a life that even resembles the one I use to live. I hardly ever hang out with friends, but I am working on that one. I went to game night a couple weeks ago which I'm so glad I went to and even stayed out til midnight! Hahaha. I haven't seen midnight maybe once or twice in the past 8ish weeks. I've been so exhausted that the only thing I feel like doing when I get off of work is come home and crash. I had all these plans to do new things once I graduated and "grew up"...well those new things have yet to occur. I had every intention of learning how to play the guitar...and well...I've really been slacking. I wish I had my "teacher" closer...but he is in Buies Creek. No bueno. So my life really hasn't been that exciting. I don't really have a lot to share. I will try not to use this to complain about things that I don't really like right now. Issues that I'm having with my job, etc. I really need to decide what it is I want to do. I need to a). look into grad school and figure out what I want to study and b). be on the lookout for another job.

I've been a big slacker in so many areas of my life. I'm trying to get myself organized. I hardly ever make my bed anymore. That is not like me. I always make my bed, but I'm too tired to do it and I fall into it again around 9 every night yeah. I gotta work on myself. Get my life under control. I sure do miss a lot of things from the "old days"....or recent days. I miss my friends terribly and I miss the independence I use to have. I miss the freedom I had and the lack of "responsibility". Being grown-up is not so fun right now. I'm still getting use to it...I know, I know it sure is taking me a while. Remember I'm not a big fan of my adjusting skills are pretty slow. So yeah. That's about it. I'm so excited about Thanksgiving. I have three days off next week and my family is going to be spending it up in N. VA with my mom's sisters and their families! I am so ready to see everyone and enjoy spending time with them. This is one reason why I love the holidays so much. I get to see all my family and we are all together. It makes me happy. Although this is going to be a very difficult season because it is the first one without my Meemau. I've taken her death a lot harder than I've taken any of the other deaths I've experienced in my family. Not saying I didn't love my PaPa...I have complete peace knowing I will see him again. But I'm still uncertain about my Meemau. I've never grieved like this over a death before. I will think of the most random things and it will trigger a memory and then I just want to break down and cry. I've done a lot of that over the past two and half months. It's been really hard for me. I miss her so much and my heart still hurts a lot over the loss of her. She was so very special to me. I just hope she is safely in Heaven right now. I really wish I knew. I wish I could just get a glimpse of it and know she's there. I really hate not knowing. And I especially hate waiting.

Ok, so enough of that. I need to go try to play my part for this Sunday on the piano. Even though I don't even know how to play....haha. I also need a better attitude.

I'm a piece of work, that's for sure.