Sunday, July 18, 2010
I just want to say how thankful I am to be in the place I am right now. Although I am not super happy or content, I know this, God is using this time as a great opportunity to teach me and show me how much I truly need Him. I cannot do anything on my own. I am not in control. No matter how much I want to believe I am, I am not. That is why He IS. The great I AM is in total control over everything that goes on. He's got it literally in His hands. I like to pretend like I've got it all under control and figured out. But I surely don't. There are so many things that I wish I knew, like where I'm going to be in a year. Am I still going to be working in daycare, living in Clemmons, single, etc. Will I be starting grad school a year from now? There are a lot of other questions I'd like answered, but I have to start the process of totally surrendering everything in my life to Christ. He knows my heart's desires and how I have so many childish fears about being alone and unloved. Yet, I am not and have never been alone or unloved. He has always been there. It's hard to grasp this because we can not physically see God. I look forward to the day that I can look into my Savior's face and thank Him for being who HE IS. I will thank Him for loving me even in my completely undeserving and unlovable state. I'm still going to struggle. But I think He has been pushing me forward everyday to ready me for the journey ahead. I just pray I can stand firm, and embrace the surrender and let God take full control.