Sunday, November 27, 2011


This year has been a whirlwind of emotional events. If you had told me this time last year everything that was going to happen to me over the next 12 months, I would have laughed in your face. I've had some pretty major things happen: I lost my job; had my first boyfriend; broke up with my first boyfriend; took a super hard test[twice]; got a new job; had some health problems that ended up in me having surgery.

Yeah, crazy stuff has happened this year. 2011 has been interesting to say the least. And my 25th year started out to be very interesting. These first two months into it have been two very difficult, scary months. I've been to a ton of doctors, had big tests done, and major surgery. I never thought that I would, at age 25, develop a very large cyst in my abdomen and have to have surgery to remove that. That was only part of the surgery--I also lost a couple female things--and had another cyst that had to be removed. The major cyst that I had that was found on my CT scan turned out to be 25 inches long and they drained 6 liters of fluid. Since my surgery, I've lost a total of 21 pounds! Crazy! This thing had been growing inside my body, unnoticed for a while--and I didn't feel it! God works in mysterious ways. Had it not been for heart issues that caused me to go to the doctor in the first place---I do not know when or how it would have been found. In fact, something worse could have happened. But I'm clear of what I deemed "Olga"--she is gone, been tested, and has been disposed of. I'm only left to wait a little bit more for results from the tests done on the cysts and to get my not so wonderful, lovely, comfy staples removed.

There's been a lot of waiting. I had to wait for doctors to be available. Wait for results. Wait for surgery. Now back to waiting for more results. I really don't like waiting. I would like to know for certain that the alien thing that was removed from my body did not have any cancerous cells in it. I'm pretty sure I don't have cancer--but then again--I never thought that when I started having heart issues that it would lead to major surgery to remove a ginormous cyst. So I just need to be patient, wait on God, take peace in His control over my situation and rest.

Today, because I'm still recovering at home, I watched our Engage service online. Our new youth pastor preached today about rest. He preached from Psalm 23--and challenged us to learn how to find time in our days to rest in God's word. It's so important to stay connected to our Savior and draw closer to Him through quiet times in the day when we talk to Him and read His word.

This is something that I struggle with. Just being honest. I've gone through my good days and my bad days. I'm not perfect. I wish it came easier for me to rest and be quiet. To take the time[that I really do have a whole lot of at the moment] to spend with my Savior everyday--seems to be so hard. When I really have no excuse to not take time and rest in my Savior and all that He has done for me. And He really has done a lot for me this year. He has taught me quite a bit about Himself--as well as teaching me about me. I'm still learning life lessons as I continue to deal with different situations--especially new ones--things I've never had to deal with before. Sometimes "growing up" sucks. I'm definitely still a kid at heart. Heck I still live at home--and am soaking it up[but also very grateful for] my parents and how they have cared for me and been there for me so much--especially these past couple of months. They have sacrificed so much for me--and I know that this has also been very difficult for them too. But I know everything that they have done for me--it's because they love me. I am so thankful for them. I'm so thankful for their love, support, time, and care. They've given me so much that I don't deserve.

I have been so blessed this year. I've been blessed to have such wonderful parents, a loving family, super supportive friends---and an awesome church family. God has been good.

So to end tonight, what are you thankful for? What has God blessed you with this year--maybe it's something you didn't really realize until now--some things are little and not as obvious as maybe the bigger blessings. It's okay to be thankful for those little things too. Because there are a lot of little things I'm thankful for: getting "get well" cards/letters/pictures in the mail, "get well" flowers, visits from friends, comfy pants, my mom staying with me in the hospital every night, having an appetite again, etc. These are all little random blessings as I like to call them.

Where has this year taken you? Is it what you thought it would be? I know we have a little over a month left--but I know this year has brought a lot of surprises for me. I'm curious about next year. I'm hoping it's a "quieter" year, but I won't turn down chances to be surprised in not so quiet ways.

I'm still praying I meet my future husband next year[I pray this every year--we'll see if 2012 is my year--or I could still meet him in 2011--I got time, right?!] haha

seek peace. show love. find rest.

Monday, November 7, 2011

i blogging.

I'm really terrible at keeping up with this blog. I had great intentions for keeping up with it on a more regular basis. But I'm good if I get in one entry a month now. It's not like I've been super busy recently. I've just had a lot of stuff going on. Yes, contradiction. When I mean I have a lot of stuff going on, I refer to my last post. I'm still waiting to find out what is going on with my health. I found out my ankle is sprained and that I have an abdominal cyst. But that is all I know right now. I have to go back to the doc in the morning to retake my blood--to recheck some elevated levels. I will also be having a CT scan [hopefully] this week.

I'm a terrible waiter. I hate it. I wish I could blink my eyes, wiggle my nose, or say the magic word and "POOF" I have my answers. I would like to know that the cyst on my abdomen has caused my heart related issues. I would like to know that the cyst is nothing major--and that it's just a random cyst that is pretty common in a lot of people. I would also like to know that my blood levels are all normal after I have my blood retaken.

I'm in a betweenish state of being worried/not worried/totally freaked out. If I think too much, I come up with the worst case scenario. In my heart of hearts[what the heck does that even really mean?], I know that I'm not in my worst case scenario. But it could be that I may have some health issues that quite possibly I'll have to deal with for the rest of my life. So maybe this ordeal is all about teaching me patience and teaching me how to trust--and rest in God's peace. Not the easiest thing for me to do. But I'm trying. Again, I have good intentions. We'll see how I hold out until I have the answers. I know I have a very strong support system. A great family, amazing friends, and an awesome church behind me. There are a lot of people praying for me--and quite a few of those people are those I don't even know! That's encouraging. It makes me feel good to know that I am loved and cared for, and that gives me some peace and comfort.

So, that is about all for tonight. Semi-short. But just to update any who want to know my status. Oh--besides this stuff--I'm getting ready for the Christmas program at church. I'm singing in the choir and in a quartet. So I'm learning some great Christmas songs! Which I absolutely love! :) I LOVE Christmas--and everything about the season--and of course why we celebrate! Because if not for Christ, where would we be? :)