Sunday, February 27, 2011

For All "He's" Done

God is good. I can't think of a perfect word to describe His awesomeness and amazingness because of the things He's been teaching me and showing me lately--oh and doing for me. He has blessed me a whole lot lately. He is constantly growing me and drawing me closer to Himself. He's also been showing me that I have such incredible value in His eyes. How come it took me so long to figure out how much He really really does love me? It's sad really. I've been missing out. I've been letting my flesh get the best of me and Satan took hold of certain areas of my life to make me feel very very inadequate. But as I've experienced some pretty incredible things over the past few weeks--and learned quite a bit---that I really do have an incredible purpose here on this earth. He made me the way He made me for a very specific reason. And He's shown me through different people how I have so much to offer. That's why I'm just super excited about finally getting to a point where I'm not so afraid to do things. It all started when I was asked to lead a group of girls at Discipleship Now. I felt totally inadequate and was very nervous about doing it. But that turned into one of the best spiritual experiences I have had[in that kind of setting] since I graduated from college. The speaker that weekend talked about how we need to "live weak"--basically everyday when we wake up--we give our day to God. Total and complete surrender. Because...from my experience, when I try to live life on my own...I fail miserably. I want to "live weak" everyday for Him--for the purpose which He has created me. That's to tell others about Him and to live my life in total surrender to His will and bringing Him glory with everything that I do.

It's funny how selfish--and greedy I've been. Until this morning...I didn't think greed pertained to anything other than money---until our lesson today in Lifegroup. I see how "closed minded" and down right rude I had been when it came to being kind to people and going out of my comfort zone to talk to new people who are different than me. To say the least, I have been humbled. It made me cry thinking about how I had treated people. I didn't think about the feelings of these other people--but just my own selfish and vain reasons--basically it all boils down to pride. So now I'm striving to be Jesus to everyone that I come into contact with. Seriously. It's not going to be easy for me to talk to people I don't know---but hey--they're a person just like me, made by God. So why should I think I'm so much better than anyone else--because I'm really not that great.

I'm so thankful for what God is showing me and teaching me. He really is a great God. So merciful and forgiving. For that, I'm so grateful.

God is Good--ALL THE TIME! :)

Monday, February 14, 2011

My Valentine

So today started as any other day. I get up and take care of my dog Cocoa. We go downstairs so I can take her out to go potty then we come back up to the breakfast room where she will eat her breakfast. But after I fed her today, a pink envelope on the counter catches my eye. It has "Jilene "Lamb chop"" on the front of it. So automatically I know it is for me, and I already know that it's from my dad. He has called me "lamb chop" since I was born. He will say I am his little lamb chopper. I know it's silly, but it's one of those things that will always be precious to me. So--I open up the card--and obviously it's a Valentine's Day card. The card itself is inscribed with a message about how a dad is looking back in time to past Valentine's Days and over time how the daughter has always had a special way of "filling life with love". It's a typical card from a dad to his daughter telling her how much he loves her. And typically, the cards I receive end in "Love, Dad[and Mom]"---but today this one had a message from my dad. It said: "God wouldn't wait so long if He wasn't preparing someone very special for you. Until then and always you will always be my Valentine. Love, Dad". Okay people, the water works started then. I've been extra emotional since I lost my job, but that really just struck a chord in my heart and the flood gates opened. I think that was one of the sweetest and most precious things that my Dad has ever said to me. I will cherish this card for the rest of my life. It means so much to me because of not only how much it shows he loves me, but also that he knows I struggle with being single and waiting for finding the right man to marry. He knows that God has someone out there, but he also acknowledged the fact that I have been waiting, but it has not been for no reason. This makes this Valentine's the best one I've ever had so far in my 24 years of life. It just makes my heart very happy and I feel extra loved today. Even if I don't have a "someone special" to share it with--I have the best Valentine anyone could ask for. My dad. I forget sometimes how much my parents love me--and I long to find a man that will love me for who I am--quirks and awkwardness and all. But I already have a man that loves me unconditionally for who I am and would go to the moon and back to do anything for dad.

So today, I don't feel the need to be sad or lonely because I don't have a date for Valentine's Day. I have the love of my parents who show me time after time how much they love me and would do anything for me. They mirror God's love. And that's the best kind of love.