So I hate when I go to holiday parties and see people that I haven't seen in years. For one, they're all like "oh my gosh you've changed so much" and asking a gazillion questions about what I'm doing these days. I also hate it when you see people who bring up things like the guy you were in love with in high school. Yeah, I hate that. I had that experience on Sunday. I was talking to someone who is the mom of the "other" girl from my high school serious crush. The mom was like well they[her daughter and the guy] didn't stick but he's now got this great girl who he'll probably marry in a couple years. And PS he lives here in town with this guy I know[who happened to be at this same party]. Yeah, so....I've been having this problem lately of having reoccurring thoughts/memories of high school--mostly the end of my senior year when this whole boy thing happened--...this has all occurred in dreams. Makes for not so great sleep and waking up depressed. Well it certainly does not help when this happened at the party. I mean, I thought for sure I was over him. I mean I am, right? Doesn't seem like it when things like this happen and kind of mess me up. I wish it didn't. Why did I let it affect me so? It was a pretty serious crush. Never have I ever felt like that for anyone else. I mean I know that he and I were not meant to be...but that was my "first love" or whatever....and there's still a part of my heart that has his name etched on it...you know what I mean? So the old wounds get opened back up at the mention of him or what he's up to now a days. I just don't need to know. So please don't tell me...especially when I'm pretty sure this mom knew how I felt back in the day. I mean it just was known. I made it obvious, I'm pretty sure. So yeah. I know you reading this may not care and be like seriously get over it/him/the whole situation entirely. It's just one of those things. He will always be "that" guy. Thank goodness I didn't have that experience in college....never got close to liking anyone that much....although I made doozies of choices in my crushes. They all turned out to be dumb. Well not all...at least I'm still friends with a couple of them....the rest are dumb. Haha. :) Boys are complicated. They're not all dumb. Some are really nice. Some get overlooked. Especially when I'm the one looking....I think it's because, and I'll be honest, I think a little too highly of myself. I think a lot of girls do that though. We think we are so super attractive that only other super attractive guys are worthy enough to be our boyfriends. Well, I'm working on this whole I'm so super attractive needing only an attractive boyfriend. We all have narcissistic tendencies. Not saying everyone is a narcissist but we[meaning the majority of the human population] does think more about looks than other characteristics...like personality, compatibility, etc. I mean, I'm not stupid and do realize that there needs to be some attraction...but you know what I mean. Ok, so anyways. Yeah. This has been a ramble of a bunch of silly girlness. Because I am a silly girl. Yes, silly, awkward....and a host of other things. And sometimes I get a little too boy crazy. I'm just being honest.
Sheesh.
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