2011 started out just the same as every year--I was thankful for another year of life among all the other many blessings that God has so graciously given to me. Not to say I thanked Him everyday for certain things[ie--my job]. He quickly showed me how to end the misery that I had been experiencing for quite some time. Confession: I've been very stressed out and depressed for quite some time. I have tried to put on a brave/happy face--I don't want people to worry about me. [Disclaimer--I'm not "clinically" depressed--just super unhappy, tired, and struggling with life] There are a few things in my life that have lead to this feeling of 'depression'. One of those things was my job. Don't get me wrong, I was thankful for my job[yes that is the past tense], but I was not happy at all and couldn't understand why I was where I was[I see now I was there for the girls I worked with--and the kids I developed relationships with]. Well, I had had the opportunity to get out a while back--and turned it down--because I didn't want to leave because I WANTED to leave--but I wasn't completely surrendering my job and life to God and seeking His guidance--so major fail there on my part. But I knew that my job was very stable--because my boss expressed her "love" for me and how happy she was that she had hired me back in October of 2009. There were just certain circumstances and hard and trying situations that caused my stress and depression.
Flash forward a short 6 days into 2011 and BAM! my super stable job is taken right out from under me. Confused, saddened, and somewhat angry I sit here today writing this. I was totally taken aback. I am proud of how graciously I took my being "let go"--but still am so hurt by how 'burned' I feel. The general consensus[not the whole] of my fellow coworkers was shock and sadness. I felt very loved by the majority of the wonderful people I worked with on Friday--which was my last day. But it was a sad day for me. I had come to be very attached to a lot of the children that I worked with--they are so precious--and can really lift your spirits if you are sad. I also dealt with the quick end to work relationships with people who I really enjoyed working with. I made some good friends there--and there are those I know I could count on if I needed anything at the drop of a hat! These girls are so awesome! They would really go to bat for me--and seriously would have taken a bat to something if I'd asked them to! :) But there are some other unfortunate circumstances that leave me feeling betrayed and so confused. In my case, my comfort and confidence in my education[because you'd think someone with a four year degree would be pretty safe in an environment that encourages people to get and continue their education] my degree was one of the reasons I lost my job--money the other. It just doesn't seem fair that I'd get let go for that. But God clearly closed that door. Now I know that I am suppose to leave there--obviously?! :) It was the sign I needed--it didn't happen the way I would have liked it too--but how much clearer can you get? All is not lost. My world isn't ending. I'm just unemployed. Weird. I never ever thought I'd say that. I've got to stop saying "never"--things always happen anyway!
BUT--I have hope. Faith. Confidence. Security. First, I know this--God is in control. He had a plan this whole time. He was working. And it was time for me to see how He really does have control. I don't always take note of this fact--I like to pretend sometimes that I've got my life under control--because of me. Yeah, you see how well I do with that. And second and MOST THANKFULLY--I have a super awesome dad who is going to hire me--but I can't start until March--so until then--I'm helping pack up the house--yeah, the other news, we're moving! Finally! :) I'm pretty excited about it!
So anyways, to end up on a good, positive note. I'm not in a difficult work situation anymore. I can get back to my normal happy self! :) I'm working on my attitude about the whole thing still--and some feelings of ill-will. But these things take time, I'm not perfect. It's not going to happen overnight for me. I do promise to work on them. No need to let bitterness take root in my heart--it only leads to destruction and more unhappiness. I can't change anything that has happened--all the times I felt disrespected and when lies were attempted to be spread about me. God had perfect timing in getting me out of a situation where things were not right and away from a couple of people who try to bring harm to others everyday.
So--in my last post I said stay tuned for the craziness in my life--I totally didn't expect this--but I'm sure no one did. So 2011--already topping my list of crazy beginnings. But it's what I like to call a 'blessing in disguise'. :) Now onto getting some of my resolutions started---since I have so much time on my hands now...
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