--a job idea--

So, after a serious lack of luck in finding a job in the month or so I've been looking...and yes, I know what you are thinking...a month isn't that long...but let's just say I'm getting quite antsy. I've thought about different things I could pursue. Despite the fact that I'm nearly penniless, but thanks to my weekly babysitting job for the past 9ish weeks, I've been able to somewhat not be so stressed out or feel like I'm a total lazy loser. For real. I just wish there were more jobs out there waving at me saying..."I'm available and you're qualified!" That's only my imagination. So, maybe I could go back to what my dream jobs were growing up. Baby nurse. Negative. Teacher. negative. Basketball player. negative. Singer...hmmm? Maybe I could start a band? I know this is a very crazy dream, but I've always wanted to be a singer and be in a band. Why shouldn't I start one? Well maybe because I lack confidence in my singing abilities or the fact that I have no back up. I can barely play the guitar, so much for a band! But hey...a girl can still dream and wish...and pretend. But I could find some willing participants. I know there are gobs of starving musicians out there looking for a chance to be in a band. So, yeah. In. My. Dreams.

I just wish that something would come soon. After my three weeks stint of this babysitting job are over, I'm going to get back into being more proactive about the job search. Seeing as how, by that time, September will be right around the corner. Ew. September. Normally my favorite month seeing as how it brings my birthday and starts my favorite season of the year. I just love fall, and I use to love birthdays. But this year just signifies that I am thus growing older, and I am getting ever closer to 25, 30....jobless, healthcareless....single. I can deal with the single. Although, I won't pretend that I don't want to meet someone, and soon. The thought both excites and terrifies me. Just saying. I don't have experience in that department. The short stint in high school that lasted a total of 3 weeks....and the almost chance my sophie year of college. Thank God on both accounts it didn't work out. I have been saved from some heartache and potentially poor decisions. I'm still waiting on that one guy that God has for me. The one who will love me for me and be honest, trustworthy, caring, funny, and someone who will challenge me to be a better, stronger person. Someone who will encourage me in whatever I do. Someone I can live life with and have a family with. ---Just a few things I'm looking for.....not to mention I would like for him to be musically inclined and like dogs and be a family man. I don't think I know anyone right now that matches any of these things, but hey....I just never know. He could be right here in Clemmons. Ok, so enough of that. I do have my girly moments where I just wish my "knight in shining armor" would come to "sweep me off my feet". Yes, it might just have to be more like knocking me off my feet, literally. Because once he comes, I might not believe it. haha. Only knowing me.

Wow, I do tend to get off topic. That was clearly a huge tangent, but it's been on my heart....for a while. It tends to make itself known more whenever another person I know gets engaged or married. Or even when some close friends start dating someone seriously. It's all apart of life. I just need to be patient and wait for my turn. Though that is a very difficult thing to do. I think I spend too much time day-dreaming about it. Then dwelling on past "could have been(s)" and that only can open up old wounds and make my heart hurt...depending on the situation.

So back to the job thing...Thank God for the provision of babysitting jobs with Katherine and Kallie this summer. Those have given me more experience and great ways to keep myself busy and my mind off the fact that I'm still unemployed. I'm happy to be able to help out good friends with precious children. It just reminds me of how much I want to be a mom someday. :) So about that guy....


God knows.
He knows what job is going to be for me.
He knows which guy I'm going to meet, become best friends with--fall in love, get married....you know the deal.
He knows everything. I just have to learn how to be....PATIENT.


until next time[and as I'm learning to be patient]--peace and love.

--just a ramble

Sometimes I just wish that I could turn back time. I wish I could go back to the place where I had the least amount of responsibilities or had freedom to be a child. The times when life seemed easiest and simple. Simplicity is key. I do not equate simplicity with the need to have things and always be available for contact. I could do without email, facebook, and my cell phone. I do not need them. Sometimes I wish I did not have them. I wish I did not feel the need to have to be attached to my cell phone all the time, or even feel the need to check my email everyday or facebook...well more than once a day. [I need to break the habit...or should I say addiction?--it can suck you in] I wish that I could wake up when I want to and not have to worry about having to work[not that I have a job yet...still waiting on that...but do not worry I have not been sitting around being idle all day, everyday since I graduated] I even wish I did not have a tv to watch. There are just way too many unnecessary distractions in the world. Most have to do with technology. And technology gets us all in to some form of trouble. Whether it takes us away from activities that are more important and helpful to our lives. Or it can take us to places that we do not need to go. Bad habits are formed all thanks to the ever so accessible technology that every American feels the need to have and be attached at the hip to. It is a problem. Is there a good solution? Well, I think there is. I have yet to find it though. I am working on not being so attached. But it does suck you in head first and you have nothing to grab onto to keep you from being caught up in the whirlwind of the latest news/gossip/crisis or the latest social crutches that make it easy to not have to talk to a person face to face. What has this done to our social skills? It sure does make it easy to talk to people because you can be whoever you want to be and you can do it in the safety of your own home. Talk about making shy people bold, ugly people pretty, stupid people smart, and real people fake---shocker. That is one of my biggest pet peeves. Fake people. Although I would be calling my own bluff. I can be fake too. Although I do not wish to be, sometimes there are certain situations in which I cannot help but be fake. Situations get awkward or you really want to yell and scream profanity because you think it will make you feel better, but you MUST be the perfect and well put together lady who is always nice and always has a smile on her face. See the trap we can so easily fall into. There are so many social crutches in our society--and all those fake people are becoming more fake. Sooner or later the plastic masks we wear are going to melt or crack---then -GASP- everyone will see us as we really are. I am working on prying the mask off my own face. Because no matter how hard I pretend I am not a fake person, I see something else slap me in the face saying...well you always act like you have it all together, yet you really do not. God help us all. Because it hurts to be real. And no one likes to hurt or even allow themselves to be open up to being hurt. It is not comfortable. I want people to see me as a real, genuine person. Someone who is not perfect, but is trying hard to live a life that is full of meaning and that is pleasing to the One who made me. I am working on opening up and not being afraid to allow people to know me for me. It might not be pretty, but if everyone works together, it will be beautiful.