i can't quite seem to keep up with this...

So I don't even remember the last time I blogged.

It's been a few weeks for sure. I think. I didn't look at it to see. My life has been consumed by working 40 hours a week, singing in the choir, Bible study, teaching the 2 year olds on Sunday mornings, and I'll be starting to sing at the Engage service starting this week. So that leads me to about having no life. Or a life that even resembles the one I use to live. I hardly ever hang out with friends, but I am working on that one. I went to game night a couple weeks ago which I'm so glad I went to and even stayed out til midnight! Hahaha. I haven't seen midnight maybe once or twice in the past 8ish weeks. I've been so exhausted that the only thing I feel like doing when I get off of work is come home and crash. I had all these plans to do new things once I graduated and "grew up"...well those new things have yet to occur. I had every intention of learning how to play the guitar...and well...I've really been slacking. I wish I had my "teacher" closer...but he is in Buies Creek. No bueno. So my life really hasn't been that exciting. I don't really have a lot to share. I will try not to use this to complain about things that I don't really like right now. Issues that I'm having with my job, etc. I really need to decide what it is I want to do. I need to a). look into grad school and figure out what I want to study and b). be on the lookout for another job.

I've been a big slacker in so many areas of my life. I'm trying to get myself organized. I hardly ever make my bed anymore. That is not like me. I always make my bed, but I'm too tired to do it and I fall into it again around 9 every night anyways....so yeah. I gotta work on myself. Get my life under control. I sure do miss a lot of things from the "old days"....or recent days. I miss my friends terribly and I miss the independence I use to have. I miss the freedom I had and the lack of "responsibility". Being grown-up is not so fun right now. I'm still getting use to it...I know, I know it sure is taking me a while. Remember I'm not a big fan of change...so my adjusting skills are pretty slow. So yeah. That's about it. I'm so excited about Thanksgiving. I have three days off next week and my family is going to be spending it up in N. VA with my mom's sisters and their families! I am so ready to see everyone and enjoy spending time with them. This is one reason why I love the holidays so much. I get to see all my family and we are all together. It makes me happy. Although this is going to be a very difficult season because it is the first one without my Meemau. I've taken her death a lot harder than I've taken any of the other deaths I've experienced in my family. Not saying I didn't love my PaPa...I have complete peace knowing I will see him again. But I'm still uncertain about my Meemau. I've never grieved like this over a death before. I will think of the most random things and it will trigger a memory and then I just want to break down and cry. I've done a lot of that over the past two and half months. It's been really hard for me. I miss her so much and my heart still hurts a lot over the loss of her. She was so very special to me. I just hope she is safely in Heaven right now. I really wish I knew. I wish I could just get a glimpse of it and know she's there. I really hate not knowing. And I especially hate waiting.

Ok, so enough of that. I need to go try to play my part for this Sunday on the piano. Even though I don't even know how to play....haha. I also need a better attitude.

I'm a piece of work, that's for sure.

moments of insanity

Today, I thought I would go crazy. I thought I would lose my mind. I was going to pull out all of my hair. I was going to strangle someone...or something. I was going to scream. I was going to explode. Whew. It was a crazy day full of many moments of insanity. I was put in charge of the two year old class because both of the teachers were out sick. Yeah, I've only been in that class subbing for the past 3 days...now 4. Yeah, not my idea of fun. They have a super hard time listening. There is a lot of screaming, hitting, and crying, and times where I truly believe all of the children are deaf. Because they do not like to listen when I call their names to say...come go potty, clean up that center, don't hit her/him, don't eat rocks/crayons/whatever it is they may put in their mouths...and on and on. Wow, it was super crazy. Yeah, then one of my kids threw up. Yes, fun stuff. Good times. So lots of poop and the smell of throw up. Needless to say, when I went home for my break I didn't want to go back. In fact, I was ready to quit. Wow, thank goodness I got through. By a miracle from God, I made it through. I hope tomorrow is a better day. I mean it will be a new day, but I just hope no barfing kids. :)